Relapse Is the Manifestation of Denial
1987 By Lewis N. Foster
One condition that has caught my attention while working in the field of addiction counseling is the tendency for denial to resurface once it has been broken through on one front.
When a family begins to recognize, admit, and accept that they have an addiction (or some type of at-risk behavior), the process by which they deal with this new understanding begins to change (in content). Movement begins to take place in the direction of learning to live with this disease or condition. Shortly thereafter, denial begins to resurface around the need to deal with root issues surrounding the dependency. We can't cure the disease, but we can learn to live with it in healthier ways.
When a farmer clears new ground for planting crops, trees must be cut. To use the soil, the roots of the trees must be removed. Frequently in treatment, clients will accept that they have to give up their drug of choice and all other mood-altering chemicals to manage the disease. They fail to see a need to deal with unresolved issues that may have existed since early childhood that can trigger them to return to their drug of choice. To take away the chemical and not deal with the unresolved issues is like cutting down the trees but not digging out the roots.
We have all heard clients say, "If I just stop using, everything else will be okay." These words come from family members, employers, friends, and other influential people involved with the recovering person. The content of this process changes somewhat with clients and families (as well as others) when they think that once a person has been through treatment that is all they need to do. "Magic-thinking" takes place, and after days or weeks in a treatment center, the client and family return home and live happily ever after. We know that is not what happens.
This type of attitude shows a system that remains intoxicated. Denial continues to contaminate the mood and the language with which the system communicates. Although the honeymoon begins, inevitably old behaviors, feelings, conflict styles, and attitudes begin to resurface and the cycle repeats itself.
Everyone is shocked, vulnerable, receptive, and teachable when relapse occurs. The process of growth continues and the opportunity to break through another line of denial is available. We need to remember it is the client who does the therapy and everyone's recovery is in ways unique. Love them for it. Sometimes at this point when the client and family can experience the difference between relapse and recovery visually, they can recognize areas that need to work and begin to develop a treatment plan.
The chart, Your Choice: Relapse or Recovery, tries to present the difference between recovery and relapse. The difference between the two can be seen as growth or the lack of growth. People bring into relationships conflict styles that were learned from their family of origin. Uses of the styles of conflict found on the relapse side of the chart are unhealthy and regulate the amount of intimacy between family members.
In an attempt to reframe relapse and recovery, much that could have been included was not. For example, should one be working with ACOA's, Codependent's, gambling, food addiction, emotional problems, or some other mental health diagnosis, you can include other behaviors. Clients can recognize some traits on the relapse side and identify their opposite on the recovery side.
I ask my client families to place the chart on their refrigerator, to check their attitude's daily, and then report to the multiple family therapy group any discoveries. Be creative, have fun, and remember that relapse is the manifestation of denial.
Suggested Reading: Multiple Family Therapy and Relapse.
Resource: A Meditation Exercise